A year ago, my father died. His passing was quick and sudden to us all. He had always lived a happy, vibrant, joyful life. And that was just as true on the day before he got sick.
It was Memorial Day last year, which he spent with family grilling steaks and salmon. If you had seen him, you wouldn’t have known anything was wrong. No one did.
But the next day, he had a stroke. Followed by 12 days in the hospital where he was slowly getting better, only to succumb to a heart attack on June 11th.
It’s been a whirlwind of a year for our family since then. And the range of emotions has been all over the place.
During the past year, though, it’s led to a lot of insightful time spent thinking and reflecting on life, family, and happiness. And I wanted to share what I’ve learned losing a loved one.
You Have A Much Better Perspective On What’s “Bad News”
This was a funny realization that I had at some point after my father’s death. I got some news that previously would have really upset me and put me in a bad mood. But surprisingly, it really didn’t bother me all that much.
I was able to just shrug it off and say “Oh well” and move on quite quickly.
The only thing that I can point to my change in perspective is the loss of my father. After having someone you love dearly die, it’s a lot harder to come up with legitimately “bad news”. And you’re able to keep things in check and separate what’s merely an inconvenience and what’s truly bad news.
Money Isn’t The Most Important Thing (Or Even Close To It)
I know it might be odd to hear a Financial Advisor say this. If you’re looking for an advisor whose sole focus is on making more money, I am not your guy.
Money is good for a lot of things. If you work with me, you and I will gameplan on how money can help you live your ideal life. To retire the way you want. Provide for your kids and even grandkids. Start a new business. Buy a home. All of these great goals require money, and oftentimes quite large amounts of it.
My father did well in his career, and he was able to achieve a lot of these goals for our family. But he never focused on his career to the detriment of the time that he spent with his family. It was never worth it to him and looking back on it over the last year, I can finally realize how wise this was.
The latest research on money and happiness actually tells us that any income earned above $95,000 won’t make you any happier.
In fact, if you earn above that amount, you are likely to have lower overall life satisfaction, as that higher income is associated with larger workloads and less free time. Which means going to that work meeting and skipping your daughters gymnastic or your son’s baseball game.
Is that worth it? My father said no, and research backs him up.
Make Meaningful Experiences A Priority
The last thing that I’ve come to realize over this past years is that we should prioritize experiences over material things.
Instead of spending our time and energy on material things (like a nicer car or house), we should instead pursue experiences with those close to us.
The problem with the nicer house or car is that rather quickly, we’ll become accustomed to them, and the happiness we derive from them will diminish. Further, there will always be something better than what we bought a month or year ago.
Experiences, on the other hand, will provide memories that will be a source of happiness for a lifetime.
I can attest to this first hand. Quite often over the last year, I’ve found myself reminiscing the trips that I took with my father to see USC Football games, weekends spent at Lake Arrowhead, and coaching baseball together.
These were experiences that I’ll cherish for the rest of my life. But a nicer car? Or a newer cell phone? When I’m old and grey, I can promise you that I won’t reminisce about that cool cell phone that I had in 2013.
But I will always remember the memories and experiences that I had with my father.
Losing a loved one is enormously difficult. But one thing that has made this situation easier for me is to reflect back on the lessons that I’ve learned from my dad, and how I can use those lessons going forward the rest of my life.
Have you lost someone that you care about? What lessons have you learned from their life? What would you tell someone going through the same experience? I’d love to hear from you. You can email me at scott@dev-forthrightfinances.pantheonsite.io, call me at 424-258-4460 or contact me here.